I have an ant bite on my ass from band camp send help
"I’d rather tea bag a bear trap."
"I feel like dipping my balls in milk and dangling them over a box of kittens."
"I have a lot of boner stories, me and my dick go like, six inches back."
"Once I got a rage boner in math class and I tried to scoot back in my chair, but when I started to move…
I had to explain what band camp was:
'TOOT TOOT SQUEAK SQUEAK CALM DOWN TRUMPETS DEEP BREATHING EXERCISES INSIDE JOKES FROM THE VETERANS DoNT GET HIT BY THE GUARD FLAGS WATER BREAKS STEP ON THE LEFT FOOT DUT DUT DUT DUT'
i think I nailed it
If you think your mom overreacts just remember once my mom cancelled our trip to New York because I refused to eat the meatloaf she made
my mom accused me of selling my birth certificate and social security to the black market when she couldn’t find them